Wonerwall

My friends are becoming inspired, and getting full time jobs...

and I want to bury myself in a whole more then ever. Growing up sucks. I advise you if it can be avoided avoid it at all costs.








I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.
And maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me.

Remember how I was going to attempt to write a blog everyday for the whole month. FAIL. Oh well. I have been unable to be close to a computer. That is a false statement. I have not been near MY computer.

This weekend Katie and I went to visit Cory at her NEW APARTMENT! It was fun. Made me realize who I am and who I'm NOT. I will say this much I know I am a person who values relationships over most other things. I also love to make and edit movies. Yes that is what we did with our Saturday night. I will post it, but not for another month (there is reason for this, but that will all be explained later).

I hate Sunday nights because I DREAD Monday mornings. Why couldn't the weekend last five days and the week last three? Now THAT would be a good life.

I am now 24

Old. I think 24 is going to be a year of changes and a year of figuring out a bit more of my life. I don't know where I am going in life, but there is some kind of journey waiting for me.

Birthday WEEEEEEK

Usually my birthday is cause for huge amounts of celebration, mostly because I tell everyone "It's my birthday and you have to do what I want." Therefore, they comply. HOWEVER this year I forget my birthday is only 2 days away. It's like it's not even my birthday week... which was by far my favorite week in years past. Growing up is so weird. Everything seems to be loosing it's thrill. I'm just a normal birthday girl trying to downplay her age. I mean no big party or celebration. Just normal everyday kinda stuff, which is slightly a bummer. I really used to love making everyone do what I wanted them to.

Last year birthday was AWESOME. Seriously. Spent with some of my fav. people in a great apartment with a dance floor (the kitchen) and all. And now pictures to reminisce.

Leaves

Today I took my toddlers to another teacher's house on a bus trip. It was a great way to spend the day. Though it was slightly chilly, the was came out and really warmed us up. My kids love the city bus. They actually cheer for it when we see it. So bus trips are always exciting for them. This bus trip especially because we got to play in leaves. They love to just throw leaves in the air. It really is pretty when they do it over and over again. They just throw leaves and laugh and do it again and again. Days like today are good days that make me think "why would I ever want to leave these cute toddlers?"

National blog what?

I guess it is national blog month. Therefore I am going to do my best to update my blog more then once this month. We'll see how that goes. The most exciting thing that has happened is that my cousin Laura had he baby! Evelyn Lee was born October 30, 2009 weighting 6lbs 8oz. She is so tiny and precious. I got to spend all Sunday afternoon with her and it was the best. I can not wait to hold that beautiful babe again.


Baby Evelyn and I <3


There she is being a precious baby


My Aunt Debbie had to see her through the door because she was sick.


My cousin Laura, the new mom. She is really proud and just can't get enough of her baby. Makes me excited to be a mom someday (let me put that emphasis on someday).

Rewind

There is something to be said about being a freshman or sophomore in college. It is such an odd mix of self-confidence and insecurity (or at least it was for me). I would dress up and be loud and obnoxious and not really care what people think, but at the same time I was trying to figure out who I was and I really did care what everyone thought of me.

I started thinking about this because I was visiting my little brother at SAU and he had these friends over who were sophomores. They were talking about Lowell Lobby (a place I spent many days/nights during my two years on Alpha 2) and how they didn't know anyone, and they just needed to hang out in the lobby more to get to know people. And I know I am supposed to grow up and live in the real world, but at that moment I just wanted it to be sophomore year again. My only worry was if I was going to have to stay up to 2 or 3 in the morning, and if Cory and Yoder were dating, and what we were going to do that weekend. Life was all about my friends, and fun. Rarely about school work.

Now I just try and make it through each day so I can get to the weekend and lay around and do nothing to prepare myself for the next week. I dread Sunday afternoon. If I could rewind my life 5 years and go back I would. I would honestly not change very much of it (just a few things here and there). I would love to feel the freedom of being 19 years old again. I think I would appreciate it more the second time around.

This had to be written so I will not forget

Today I went to an infant/toddler conference for work. The keynote shared the following story and I don't want to forget it. I also want to share it.

Romania was (is?) a very poor country and no one was having babies because they could not afford to take care of them. There was a Czar in power that noticed the population was dwindling. He wanted to do something about it so he offered a stipend to young women who had children. So everything was going well people were having big families and there was enough money to support the famililes.

Then, the Czar got overthrow and a new Czar came to power. This Czar saw how much money was going out and he didn't like it so he ended the whole stipend thing (this is a summary of a more in depth story). Suddenly no one had money to care for their children, but the orphanages only took children birth to 2 so everyone gave up their babies. These orphanages were over crowded and it was like 40 children to 1 caregiver. The general rule was don't hold the babies, don't look at them, give them as little as possible because if you held them or rocked them they would continue to want/expect that and the caretakers would have too many crying babies and not enough people to nurture them.

As time went on these orphans got adopted and came to America, but didn’t fair very well. They were getting in trouble and going to juvenile detention places, and later in life going to jail. They were basically becoming low functioning members of society, however once in a while there was a Romanian orphan who did well and became a normal functioning member of society.

So there’s this guy that was really interested in brain development and he got this huge grant to do brain scans on these Romanian orphans. He figured that the ones who were doing well were more attractive as infants and toddlers and despite the no contact rule where held and rocked. He goes to Romania and starts doing his tests and scans and stuff and as it turns out all the orphans who had the higher amount of activity in the brain, i.e. are doing well in life came from one orphanage, in one wing, on one floor.

Come to find out there was a janitor who everyday after she was done doing all her work would rock each baby. She would pick them up and tell them they were beautiful, then rock them and put them back and tell them she loved them. When this researcher guy figured this out he found that janitor and told her what a difference she had made for these children. Her response was that she never felt like she was doing enough.

What's Up?

So it's been awhile. Lets get right down to it. I am a toddler room lead teacher. Is this the job I thought I would have even a month ago? NO. Am I happy with it? Let's weigh the options:

Pros
I have worked here for three years
I know the staff well
I have a good handle on the curriculum
It's MY class
I feel trusted by the director/other staff
The kids keep me laughing and on my toes all the time

Cons
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what the toddlers should be doing/not doing ect.
A certain teacher assistant... who is going to be my assistant this fall (ugh)
At this point I do not have benefits, and am not considered full time staff (though I do work 40 hours a week)
Two words: POTTY TRAINING
Two years are a handful... esp 8 at a time
Is this really what I went to school for?


Also, One Tree Hill seasons were on sale at Best Buy, so of course I had to get some. I got seasons 1 and 2. My mom got seasons 3 and 4 for me for my birthday or Christmas.

At least I have good TV to watch.

Good News?

I never have good news. I have applied and applied and applied for jobs... NOTHING... not even a stinking interview. What am I doing wrong?

I can not be a toddler teacher for the rest of my life, not even the rest of the year, I don't even want to do it the rest of the week!

And if I hear one more time about how God has the perfect job for me I may beat someone... Ok if he really has a job for me could he please let this come together soon.

fml

The job search

Job searching has it's highs and lows...

like applying and applying and applying and hearing nothing

finally getting a call for a phone interview

getting an e-mail saying they had a "variety of applicants"... aka they didn't want me

finding a new website

applying some more

hearing nothing

applying some more.




I would just like the world to know I would be a good teacher, but if you wont let me teach I may have to explore other options... not sure what those are, but I hope I am not reduced to street corners.

P to the MS

and thus ensues my rant:

I hate it when people say that girls just use PMS as an excuse. I am a woman and can tell the difference between when I am about to start, am on my period, or have just finished. Before I start I get really annoyed and can't stand anyone. Small things piss me off (more then usual) and I want to eat everything and crave pop. During the period I am fairly normal, somewhat emotional. After I get sad for like two days.

I am not making this up, some months it's worse then others. Seriously my hormones are not quite normal for like 10-12 days out of the month.

Also the cramping, bloating, hunger. Man oh man being a girl is not easy.

Plus we have to give birth... then have a period for six whole weeks.

Big vs. Aiden

As I sit here and watch Sex and the City on TBS it I ponder why Carrie would ever choose Big over Aiden. In this particular episode Carrie is freaking out about marrying Aiden. I know the way it ends, I know she just can't marry Aiden blah, blah. I just don't know why. Big is a jerk. I mean the Sex and the City movie was a disappointment to me because Big was soooo dumb.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH AIDEN CARRIE???

I would have chosen Aiden. I would have married him and never had let him go.

This is one of those episodes I watch hoping the ending will turn out differently. It never does though. "There are some walls you can push through and some you can't. That was the only night we would ever spend on the other side of the wall. The next day Aiden moved out."

I babysat Maggie, Cyrus, and Ellie tonight. They were soo good for me. They are such sweet kids. Annie asked me if I would be able to be the overnight person when the new baby is born. I said I would love to. Oh yea, the new baby's name is going to be Kate :) Well Kathrine, but they will call her Kate.

Laura called me last night and said they are having a girl. I called that from the beginning. Everyone else was saying boy, but I knew girl. Also her due date has changed to November 8, the day after my birthday... I told Laura to have her a day early so we can share a birthday :) we'll see.

That would be great though, a baby with my name and a baby with my birthday.

He's just not that into you, wait I mean ME.

Tonight I rented He's Just Not That Into You and it basically told the story of my life. I mean I resonate with the main girl, Gigi, like woah. I mean she's just this girl waiting for the right guy to come around and wondering why they never call back and making up all these excuses as to why they're not calling back, and all her friends are saying things to make her feel better when in actuality he's just not into her.

I also learned that I am NOT the exception, I'm the rule (watch the movie to understand this).

Favorite quote:
Gigi: So you mean I should just run from every guy who doesn't like me?
Alex (a male Alex): Yes.
Gigi: But there won't be anyone left.

Things I learned:
1. If he's acting like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he doesn't give a shit.
---It sounds like DUH, but really you think oh he's just busy, or some other crap when in actuality he doesn't care. This reminded me of a boy, (insert name here), who I now believe at one point did give a shit, but doesn't now. I mean he didn't even give me a proper goodbye when I left his life not knowing if we will see each other again. I almost called him after watching this movie and yelled at him "YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT!" but I refrained.

2. Girls read way too much into things and string these moments together to make things seem like there is more to the relationship then there really is.
---Gigi did this in the movie, I do this ALL THE TIME in real life. I actually cried during the part of the movie where Alex is yelling at Gigi because she did this. I just know what it feels like to like a guy and hope so much that he likes you back that any little hint, no matter how insignificant, means so much more then was ever meant by the guy.

3. If a guy wants to be with you he'll make it happen.
---I think so often I, and I'm going to assume other females, think a guy is just waiting for the right time, or scared to show how he feels, or some other stupid excuse. Truth be told if any of those boys had ever liked me they would have made something happen.

I feel like I have a new outlook on dating, sure a more cynical one, but never the less, a more realistic one. Truth be told liking boys is a waste of time because rarely is it that they like you back. I don't think I ever want to like a boy again. It would sure save me a lot of trouble. I wonder if that is possible.

Mother's Day

I did not see my mother today. I actually worked and seated a lot of mothers :)

I did call my mother. I do love her and feel very VERY thankful that she is mine. We've been through a lot, me and her, and the older I get the more she becomes my friend, not just my mother.

I hope to be a mother someday.

First I should probably figure out some other parts of my life... like where the heck I am going to live and work in four months.

Oh yes

Graduation... so close. I am less stressed about getting a job because I am going to a job fair on Friday. I believe I am a quality person and can obtain a job in education, therefore I am going to walk in with confidence and just be like "Hi, I'm Kate. I am going to be a great teacher and am willing to go just about anywhere in the USA... wanna hire me?" (bat the the eyelashes a little there).

Actually these are the states I've ruled out:
California (too common everyone goes there)
Colorado (I am trying to get away from snow)
Kansas (Seriously, do I need more of a reason then it's Kansas?)
Texas (People in Texas seem to have big egos)
Wisconsin (Once again the snow thing)
Arizona (no real reason, it just has no appeal to me)

My current top runners are:
Georgia (there is going to be a school district at this job fair that is going to be opening FOUR elementary schools next year!)
Nebraska (seems random, but I know people around there, and I've heard it's a growing community)
North Carolina (they need some good teachers/I could live near Wilmington <3)
Virginia (just has appeal)
Maryland (lots of school districts are going to be at this job fair)



The convo I overheard on the bus trip today with my pre-kers :
Claire: I want glasses
Jocelynn (who wears pink glasses): Why? Because they're cute?
Claire: Yes
Jocelynn: Well you need a lazy eye like me. I have a strong eye and a lazy eye.

Kids these days... we took them to Meijer due to unforeseen circumstances with the school we were supposed to visit. I really think some of them had more fun looking at the toys in Meijer.

Cap and Gown

Yesterday I picked up my cap and gown at the "grad fair". I put that in quotation marks like that because lets be real, it was like four tables set up in half the fireside. One of the tables was just to sign in, on was to buy a class ring (does anyone even do that?). One was to sign up for the alumni association (woops I missed that table). One was where you pick up your cap and gown (obviously the most important table). The last one was this survey thing. Yes it was pretty lame.

Today after school I cut Mark and Ryan's hair. As I was cutting Mark's hair I told him this would probably be the last time I cut his hair... like ever... in our lives. He made some comment about yea until we're 30. I'm starting to feel sentimental. I mean c'mon the last time I'm cutting his hair? Is this really something I'm going to miss three years from now? Well.... lets be honest, probably.

I can just feel myself getting more and more sentimental as the semester comes to an end.

Konstantine

I want to be able to go to dinner and eat by myself. There is a guy who comes into the restaurant every Sunday and eats by himself and reads the newspaper. There is a lady who has come in a couple times by herself and ate alone too. I want to be able to do that.

Today I made a small step in that direction. I went to Quizno's and ate there all by myself. I know it's not a sit down type restaurant, but it's a small start towards my goal.

I am starting to get really scared about the future. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think about it. I hope that's normal.

I'm listening to Konstantine by Something Corporate. I love this song.

"And then you bring me home, afraid to find out that you're alone."

erg

Being a preschool teacher is HARD WORK! It's weird I say this now after I have worked at a preschool for three years, but never all day, every day. I am beat by the end of each day. I wish the kids would stop telling me "no" (erg) I wish they wouldn't bit me (erg) I wish they would just put on their coats and go outside instead of me having to force their coats on and carry them out (erg) I wish they would roll over and let me rub their backs during nap (erg) I wish they wouldn't scream and throw a tantrum at the first sign they aren't going to get what they want (erg).

Some days it's hard to see the positives. Oh wait, I have one, IT'S SPRING BREAK NEXT WEEK! I also had an orange creme sickle today at snack... tasty!

My cousin is pregnant and I have never been more excited for a baby in my life!

My tournament brackets are failing me.

My best friend can't come visit me this weekend because all four tires got stolen off her car last weekend in Chicago.

Oh man.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts

Clear eyes, full hearts can't lose.

If you know what show that is from you may also know I have been obsessively watching that show. I have finished the first two seasons (granted the second season only has 15 episodes) in four days.

It is currently 1 am and I should be sleeping for like two hours now, but instead I just HAD to finish season 2. The worst part is there wasn't much to see. Season 1 = AMAZING. Season 2 = Less than desirable. Hopefully season 3 (which is currently showing on real tv) will be like season 1 again. I must blame the lameness of season 2 on the writers strike. I would like to give those people a piece of my mind and tell them how much they ruined my life last year/forever because of all my shows that have a bad season because of that strike.

My computer has a virus.

Can you read my mind?

Sometimes I think people can read my thoughts. It is actually quite disturbing and I hope people can't read my thoughts, because sometimes they aren't very nice. And sometimes they are weird, and sometimes they are embarrassing and sometimes they are just so crazy no one should know them but me.

So if you can read my thoughts just let me know.

Weddings and such

This weekend was crazy. It was Jill and John's wedding Saturday which meant Anna flew in (with Brant) on Friday. Though she spent the night at John's brothers house so I didn't actually see her until Saturday. I did spend some quality time with Brant though :)

We had people to our place Friday night, Saturday was the wedding and people stayed at our place again, then Sunday I had to work 10-2 then Kate's art show. It was busy. However, it was great to have everyone together again, no matter how sporadically we were all together.

Most normal people would have cried during the wedding (I never cry at weddings, I came close at Kate and Matt's, but usually nothing). Not me, I cried at the end of the reception. Then part of the ride home. I am still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that the life I have been building for myself the past five years is over. Everyone I love is moving on, and away from me. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing still while everyone is moving forward.

There is so much going on in my head about life, and love and where my life is going and who my love is going to. It's hard to sort out sometimes. It honestly is so overwhelming and scary that I just want to crawl in a hole. I wish God would just pick me up and drop me where I am supposed to be. I wish he would just tell me "yes, you will be happy again." Because right now it's really hard to believe that the best times in my life aren't over. It's really hard to believe life could get any better then what it has been the past five years.


Why does everyone else seem so happy with their lives? Am I the only one that is struggling with this?

On another note

I never want to go to bed. I am so tired when I get home from school, but then come 10:30 at night I just want to stay up.

On another note, the new (that is a word wall word this week) Katy Perry song is SO AMAZING. I mean I liked "I kissed a girl" (forgive me, it's catchy) and "Hot and Cold" is very catchy too. However, "Thinking of You" makes me want to get up and go buy her CD right now. And, the music video that goes with it is sweet too. Here it is on youtube. Just watch and enjoy.


I have made no more decisions about life.

Life Decisions

I am at the point where I have to make some really big decisions that will basically map out the rest of my life. I could do anything (well not anything) and go anywhere (yes, basically anywhere). How do I know what is right? How do I know what it is God wants from me? How do I make the RIGHT decision? Is there a right decision? There are so many possibilities.

Last night in seminar a lady came in to talk to us about schools in China that need teachers. They are English speaking schools, but with just about every nationality represented. At first I was like China, NO WAY. But then, something started to sound interesting. It would be a two year commitment, and I would basically be gone for two years. There are so many pros, yet so many cons.

PROS
Very unique opportunity
Starting over
Meeting tons of new people
Influencing kids who may have never heard about the love of Christ (it is a Christian school, another thing I said I would never do)
Life changing experience

CONS
Not knowing anyone
Being gone for 2 years
Missing out on countless weddings, births, birthdays...
Being gone for 2 years (it's big enough to be counted twice)

and so I throw up my hands and scream I DON'T KNOW. If it was a school in South America I wouldn't even give it a second thought, I would go. But China??? I had never considered that, edit: I had always just written it off.

HELP!!!!!

who's chasing me?

My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this. It was supposed to be like Just Friends, When Harry Met Sally, Made of Honor, or Definately, Maybe. It was NOT suppose to be like My Best Friend's Wedding.

I had the beginning right. We were friends. I considered him to be the boy that I was closest to. He told me I would be great and believed in me. He refused to argue with me about the stupid things, but apologized when he knew he had hurt me. He made me hug it out. We would have heart to hearts and I would tell him how much I believed in him and knew he could be great too. There where times when he frustrated me to no end and I couldn't handle him. But, I could never stay mad at him for long. He just had a way of making me forgive him.

However, we did not share a kiss that started out friendly then got suddenly intimate. He did not have a book I had been looking for for years and then gave it to me and after I got mad at him for keeping it he did not say nice things to me to make me fall in love with him. And, he did not show up on my doorstep after humiliating me and tell me very very nice things like how he wants to have babies with me and marry me.

No, it went more like the My Best Friends Wedding scene. Julia is chasing Michael and Michael is chasing the girl he actually loves. Then Julia calls her gay friend and he says "who's chasing you?" Yes it turned out much more like that.

I am trying to not be self-pitying. I know my heart has not even begun to break in ways I have seen my friends hearts break. But, it still hurts.

So Tired!

It has been an exhausting week, and I even had Monday off! Next week it is all me in the classroom. I am actually ready for it. I feel like I need to lay down the law a little more so they don't take advantage, but I can do that. Monday night I was freaking out that I couldn't do this, and now I just can't wait to have my own classroom.

I move soon, like this weekend. Matt found a place that is really nice. My room is small, but I don't have to share it with anyone so it's not a big deal. Matt is giving me a desk too, which will be really helpful. Kate's parents are letting me use a bed and even offered bunk beds, so I might take advantage of that for when I have visitors :)

Anna's last weekend. I don't want to talk about it.







I heard this song on the way home from school:

Don't give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.

Exhaustion

I am exhausted. I can't believe we have only had two days of school this week and I am already so tired. I am fully in charge starting next week. I am nervous. Today I was doing a lesson on nouns and I just could not figure out how to explain them to the kids. I had to ask Mrs. Hobson to help me. I felt like a FAILURE!

I just hope the next 7 weeks go by fast so I can see my babies at the daycare! I miss them! I hardly ever felt like a failure there.

This speaks for itself.

Tonight.

With all those people around how can I still feel lonely?

Sometimes I wish for a life that is bigger then mine.

4 year anniversary

My best friend and I have been best friends for 4 years now. It was Skating for Tukes our freshman year that we met. Our other friend Annie and I "skated" into Cory's room to find a hat to match the rest of my "skater cute" outfit. We didn't really hang out at Skating for Tukes, but afterward she came and stalked Ben with us... then we were basically inseparable from that moment on. I don't have a picture from that night with Annie :(

This is a picture from our 1 year anniversary. Sophomores. My hair is so dark!


This is our two year anniversary. Juniors.


This is last year. Seniors. We missed Skating for Tukes because we were in Jamaica. So we celebrated at Lovers Leap.


This is the first year we wont be together on our anniversary. Skating for Tukes is tonight and Cory is stuck in Brighton for something that probably wont even be fun anyway. I guess we will celebrate when I see her Sunday! It has been way too long since I have seen my best friend!

Jamaica pt. 5

Cory and I at Strawberry Hill (a day or two before we went there for brunch). Our Mary-Kate and Ashley picture as she calls it <3.

BFF.

Jamaica pt. 4

So I failed that posting everyday thing. Oh well. I had a really good weekend with the girls. We made the big bed in the living room (futon laid out, the pull out couch out... they come together perfectly) and watched movies. Jill and Kate came and joined Anna, Katie and I. It was a really good way to start the first weekend back. My views on the movies we watched:

When Harry Met Sally - One of my all time favorites. I actually forgot how much I love this movie. It has everything, humor, love, great story line. LOVELOVELOVE it! It may be one of the most perfect love stories (or maybe just the one I want for my life).

The Dark Night - SO GOOD! I hadn't seen it, but it is amazing. Heath Ledger... omg... so good. I could go on and on about how great he is in this movie. The movie did start to get long. And I was pretty mad Rachel died. I just think Batman needs a love interest. Also where is Robin? Batman needs Robin. (Kate did tell me a theory Matt has about who will be Robin, and it makes total sense)

Hancock - This was the one I liked the least. It started out with promise. I thought it was pretty funny and I like that he was a superhero that nobody really cared for. However, as it went on I liked it less, especially the end. I just ends. I just don't think it ends answering any of the major questions it set out to ask. So I was disappointed in it.

Saturday night we went sledding at like 11:00. It was really fun. I wore five pairs of pants and they are all wet now. I have one pair of dry sweat pants until I do laundry :) so worth it though!

Here is the Jamaica picture:


This is Matt DeBow and I. I love this picture just because I think we look cute in it. On this morning I woke up to people talking outside Cory and my room (we were in the blue mountains). I went out to see what was going on discovered all the boys were off in the distance climbing a mountain. They made it really far and got up early to do it. Some of us girls just watched them climb. We could barley see them and had binoculars to help us. They got back and were exhausted. We went to Strawberry Hill (a really nice resort) for brunch. Christie gave me the shirt I wore with leggings. Matt was so tired in this picture. Matthew John DeBow became like my brother on this trip. We always sat in the back of the bus together. He would just tell me stories. I loved him before the trip, and I think I love him more since it.



This is me and the girls I lived with last year after that brunch. We all looked cute so we decided to get a picture.



This last pic is Katrina, Cory and I. We became pretty good friends with Katrina on this trip. While we were at Strawberry Hill we took some pictures. Once again a "we look cute, lets take pictures" kind of thing.

Jamaica pt. 3

These are picture from a school we visited in Black River. We sang songs with the ENTIRE school. Then we split up into groups of two and went around and talked to the classes. It was so interesting to see their school system at work. Also Dr. Tim introduced each of us. For everyone else he just said their name and they stepped forward, but of course that was not the case for me. He introduced me and then said "can you say drama?" Then added some work about me and drama. It was actually really funny.

The last picture, of Brandon, just shows how much of celebrities we were. They all wanted to touch us. At the drinking fountain these two girls just came up to me and gave me a hug. All the kids were soo cute though!

Jamaica pt. 2

The boy on the far left in the first picture and the only one in the second picture is David. I fell in love with him when we met him in an orphanage. I literally wanted my parents to adopt him. I think if I could have taken him I would.

On this particular day we stopped at a Salvation Army orphanage. It was like what you imagine an orphanage to be. Lots of kids and beds lined up in rows. My heart was touched and my overall experience in Jamaica opened my eyes, heart, and mind to orphans.

student teaching/jamaica

Today was my first day as a student teacher. It was pretty low key. I just observed all day. I think it will end up being really fun and I will like it a lot. There is not much else to say about it at this point.

A year a go I was in Jamaica. I loved that trip much. I actually wish I could go back right now with all the same people. Because of this desire and everything I have decided for the next three weeks I am going to post a picture of Jamaica and tell about it. I just want to remember how much I loved that trip.





These pictures are from a place called Lovers Leap. It may have been the most beautiful place we went in Jamaica. We could actually see the curve of the earth's surface looking out over the ledge. There was a whole tragic love story, that I don't completely remember now, about two people that fell in love but couldn't be together. The ended up jumping off the edge committing suicide, hence the name Lover's Leap.

I don't feel any different

It is 2009.

I'm trying to think of words to describe 2008. I would have to go with: Weddings and Change.

Last night was fun some of my cousins came and two of my roommates from school and of course Alex.

I think I have come to love Alex even more over this break. I have been with just about every single day. Actually I am fairly certain Christmas was the only day I did not see her. The Christmas Miracle came and she did not have to go to her dad's. I really feel like she's my sister. I mean if I had a sister it would be her.

For 2009 I wish for myself:
Love - I want to love others without holding back. I want my family and friends to know how much I love them and appreciate them. I want to be loved. I want to surround myself with people who I can pour into and who will pour themselves back into me.

Courage - My life is going to change in major ways in 2009 I want the courage to make life altering decisions.

Strength - I am going to need a lot of it to get through all those changes. I need to be brave. Either I am stronger then I think, or I'm not as strong as I believe I am. I guess this year I will see which of those it is.

For 2009 I wish for great things. That my dreams that seem so big will not be too large for me to achieve. That the things I fear will not overcome me. That I won't leave behind everyone I love to find loneliness. That God will use me in ways I could never dream or imagine (and maybe in some ways I have dreamed of).

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
William Shakespeare