for the nights I feel like I am 21 again... and not in a good way.

It was good to be who I was for a night. It was good to hang out with old friends and even though I could have had a baby in the time we were apart, it didn't feel like it had been that long. I remember why I loved them so so much. I made a new friend. I danced, sang, and laughed. I had a generally good time.

But with being who I was there were old insecurities that came up that I wasn't expecting. I forgot how those insecurities felt. I forgot how it takes me time to build myself back up. I forgot how the next day I play everything over in my head and try to make sense of my feelings. I forgot how they will never completely make sense.

Deep down I think I will always be that insecure girl and I don't know how to reconcile that with who I am now.