There is something to be said about being a freshman or sophomore in college. It is such an odd mix of self-confidence and insecurity (or at least it was for me). I would dress up and be loud and obnoxious and not really care what people think, but at the same time I was trying to figure out who I was and I really did care what everyone thought of me.
I started thinking about this because I was visiting my little brother at SAU and he had these friends over who were sophomores. They were talking about Lowell Lobby (a place I spent many days/nights during my two years on Alpha 2) and how they didn't know anyone, and they just needed to hang out in the lobby more to get to know people. And I know I am supposed to grow up and live in the real world, but at that moment I just wanted it to be sophomore year again. My only worry was if I was going to have to stay up to 2 or 3 in the morning, and if Cory and Yoder were dating, and what we were going to do that weekend. Life was all about my friends, and fun. Rarely about school work.
Now I just try and make it through each day so I can get to the weekend and lay around and do nothing to prepare myself for the next week. I dread Sunday afternoon. If I could rewind my life 5 years and go back I would. I would honestly not change very much of it (just a few things here and there). I would love to feel the freedom of being 19 years old again. I think I would appreciate it more the second time around.
Today I went to an infant/toddler conference for work. The keynote shared the following story and I don't want to forget it. I also want to share it.
Romania was (is?) a very poor country and no one was having babies because they could not afford to take care of them. There was a Czar in power that noticed the population was dwindling. He wanted to do something about it so he offered a stipend to young women who had children. So everything was going well people were having big families and there was enough money to support the famililes.
Then, the Czar got overthrow and a new Czar came to power. This Czar saw how much money was going out and he didn't like it so he ended the whole stipend thing (this is a summary of a more in depth story). Suddenly no one had money to care for their children, but the orphanages only took children birth to 2 so everyone gave up their babies. These orphanages were over crowded and it was like 40 children to 1 caregiver. The general rule was don't hold the babies, don't look at them, give them as little as possible because if you held them or rocked them they would continue to want/expect that and the caretakers would have too many crying babies and not enough people to nurture them.
As time went on these orphans got adopted and came to America, but didn’t fair very well. They were getting in trouble and going to juvenile detention places, and later in life going to jail. They were basically becoming low functioning members of society, however once in a while there was a Romanian orphan who did well and became a normal functioning member of society.
So there’s this guy that was really interested in brain development and he got this huge grant to do brain scans on these Romanian orphans. He figured that the ones who were doing well were more attractive as infants and toddlers and despite the no contact rule where held and rocked. He goes to Romania and starts doing his tests and scans and stuff and as it turns out all the orphans who had the higher amount of activity in the brain, i.e. are doing well in life came from one orphanage, in one wing, on one floor.
Come to find out there was a janitor who everyday after she was done doing all her work would rock each baby. She would pick them up and tell them they were beautiful, then rock them and put them back and tell them she loved them. When this researcher guy figured this out he found that janitor and told her what a difference she had made for these children. Her response was that she never felt like she was doing enough.
So it's been awhile. Lets get right down to it. I am a toddler room lead teacher. Is this the job I thought I would have even a month ago? NO. Am I happy with it? Let's weigh the options:
Pros
I have worked here for three years
I know the staff well
I have a good handle on the curriculum
It's MY class
I feel trusted by the director/other staff
The kids keep me laughing and on my toes all the time
Cons
Everyone seems to have an opinion on what the toddlers should be doing/not doing ect.
A certain teacher assistant... who is going to be my assistant this fall (ugh)
At this point I do not have benefits, and am not considered full time staff (though I do work 40 hours a week)
Two words: POTTY TRAINING
Two years are a handful... esp 8 at a time
Is this really what I went to school for?
Also, One Tree Hill seasons were on sale at Best Buy, so of course I had to get some. I got seasons 1 and 2. My mom got seasons 3 and 4 for me for my birthday or Christmas.
At least I have good TV to watch.
I never have good news. I have applied and applied and applied for jobs... NOTHING... not even a stinking interview. What am I doing wrong?
I can not be a toddler teacher for the rest of my life, not even the rest of the year, I don't even want to do it the rest of the week!
And if I hear one more time about how God has the perfect job for me I may beat someone... Ok if he really has a job for me could he please let this come together soon.
fml
Job searching has it's highs and lows...
like applying and applying and applying and hearing nothing
finally getting a call for a phone interview
getting an e-mail saying they had a "variety of applicants"... aka they didn't want me
finding a new website
applying some more
hearing nothing
applying some more.
I would just like the world to know I would be a good teacher, but if you wont let me teach I may have to explore other options... not sure what those are, but I hope I am not reduced to street corners.
and thus ensues my rant:
I hate it when people say that girls just use PMS as an excuse. I am a woman and can tell the difference between when I am about to start, am on my period, or have just finished. Before I start I get really annoyed and can't stand anyone. Small things piss me off (more then usual) and I want to eat everything and crave pop. During the period I am fairly normal, somewhat emotional. After I get sad for like two days.
I am not making this up, some months it's worse then others. Seriously my hormones are not quite normal for like 10-12 days out of the month.
Also the cramping, bloating, hunger. Man oh man being a girl is not easy.
Plus we have to give birth... then have a period for six whole weeks.
Labels: Random Thoughts
As I sit here and watch Sex and the City on TBS it I ponder why Carrie would ever choose Big over Aiden. In this particular episode Carrie is freaking out about marrying Aiden. I know the way it ends, I know she just can't marry Aiden blah, blah. I just don't know why. Big is a jerk. I mean the Sex and the City movie was a disappointment to me because Big was soooo dumb.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH AIDEN CARRIE???
I would have chosen Aiden. I would have married him and never had let him go.
This is one of those episodes I watch hoping the ending will turn out differently. It never does though. "There are some walls you can push through and some you can't. That was the only night we would ever spend on the other side of the wall. The next day Aiden moved out."
I babysat Maggie, Cyrus, and Ellie tonight. They were soo good for me. They are such sweet kids. Annie asked me if I would be able to be the overnight person when the new baby is born. I said I would love to. Oh yea, the new baby's name is going to be Kate :) Well Kathrine, but they will call her Kate.
Laura called me last night and said they are having a girl. I called that from the beginning. Everyone else was saying boy, but I knew girl. Also her due date has changed to November 8, the day after my birthday... I told Laura to have her a day early so we can share a birthday :) we'll see.
That would be great though, a baby with my name and a baby with my birthday.