On another note

I never want to go to bed. I am so tired when I get home from school, but then come 10:30 at night I just want to stay up.

On another note, the new (that is a word wall word this week) Katy Perry song is SO AMAZING. I mean I liked "I kissed a girl" (forgive me, it's catchy) and "Hot and Cold" is very catchy too. However, "Thinking of You" makes me want to get up and go buy her CD right now. And, the music video that goes with it is sweet too. Here it is on youtube. Just watch and enjoy.


I have made no more decisions about life.

Life Decisions

I am at the point where I have to make some really big decisions that will basically map out the rest of my life. I could do anything (well not anything) and go anywhere (yes, basically anywhere). How do I know what is right? How do I know what it is God wants from me? How do I make the RIGHT decision? Is there a right decision? There are so many possibilities.

Last night in seminar a lady came in to talk to us about schools in China that need teachers. They are English speaking schools, but with just about every nationality represented. At first I was like China, NO WAY. But then, something started to sound interesting. It would be a two year commitment, and I would basically be gone for two years. There are so many pros, yet so many cons.

PROS
Very unique opportunity
Starting over
Meeting tons of new people
Influencing kids who may have never heard about the love of Christ (it is a Christian school, another thing I said I would never do)
Life changing experience

CONS
Not knowing anyone
Being gone for 2 years
Missing out on countless weddings, births, birthdays...
Being gone for 2 years (it's big enough to be counted twice)

and so I throw up my hands and scream I DON'T KNOW. If it was a school in South America I wouldn't even give it a second thought, I would go. But China??? I had never considered that, edit: I had always just written it off.

HELP!!!!!

who's chasing me?

My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this. It was supposed to be like Just Friends, When Harry Met Sally, Made of Honor, or Definately, Maybe. It was NOT suppose to be like My Best Friend's Wedding.

I had the beginning right. We were friends. I considered him to be the boy that I was closest to. He told me I would be great and believed in me. He refused to argue with me about the stupid things, but apologized when he knew he had hurt me. He made me hug it out. We would have heart to hearts and I would tell him how much I believed in him and knew he could be great too. There where times when he frustrated me to no end and I couldn't handle him. But, I could never stay mad at him for long. He just had a way of making me forgive him.

However, we did not share a kiss that started out friendly then got suddenly intimate. He did not have a book I had been looking for for years and then gave it to me and after I got mad at him for keeping it he did not say nice things to me to make me fall in love with him. And, he did not show up on my doorstep after humiliating me and tell me very very nice things like how he wants to have babies with me and marry me.

No, it went more like the My Best Friends Wedding scene. Julia is chasing Michael and Michael is chasing the girl he actually loves. Then Julia calls her gay friend and he says "who's chasing you?" Yes it turned out much more like that.

I am trying to not be self-pitying. I know my heart has not even begun to break in ways I have seen my friends hearts break. But, it still hurts.

So Tired!

It has been an exhausting week, and I even had Monday off! Next week it is all me in the classroom. I am actually ready for it. I feel like I need to lay down the law a little more so they don't take advantage, but I can do that. Monday night I was freaking out that I couldn't do this, and now I just can't wait to have my own classroom.

I move soon, like this weekend. Matt found a place that is really nice. My room is small, but I don't have to share it with anyone so it's not a big deal. Matt is giving me a desk too, which will be really helpful. Kate's parents are letting me use a bed and even offered bunk beds, so I might take advantage of that for when I have visitors :)

Anna's last weekend. I don't want to talk about it.







I heard this song on the way home from school:

Don't give me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.

Exhaustion

I am exhausted. I can't believe we have only had two days of school this week and I am already so tired. I am fully in charge starting next week. I am nervous. Today I was doing a lesson on nouns and I just could not figure out how to explain them to the kids. I had to ask Mrs. Hobson to help me. I felt like a FAILURE!

I just hope the next 7 weeks go by fast so I can see my babies at the daycare! I miss them! I hardly ever felt like a failure there.

This speaks for itself.

Tonight.

With all those people around how can I still feel lonely?

Sometimes I wish for a life that is bigger then mine.